"A Hole In My Heart…"
Peter declared, “Even if everyone else deserts You, I will never desert You.” Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, Peter - this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny three times that you even know Me.”
“No!” Peter insisted. “Even if I have to die with You, I will never deny You!” And all the other disciples vowed the same.
Then Jesus went with them to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and He said, “Sit here while I go over there to pray.” He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and He became anguished and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with Me.” (Matthew 26:33-38 - NLT)
When I read this passage about Jesus’ betrayal, it was His humanness that captured my attention… ”My soul is crushed with grief…,” He declares. Despite knowing that Peter would betray Him and that His death was imminent, He could pray and readily admit that He felt vulnerable and sad. Imagine that?
We often pretend that all is well with the world and as we attempt to find our own personal escape hatch; God still knows the truth. I can put on any number of disguises, but God knows me better than I know myself.
Even when I don’t articulate my precise feelings… He knows my sense of abandonment in several significant relationships during my lifetime. The pain of knowing that someone can’t take care of you, wishes you hadn’t been born or doesn’t or can’t love you is excruciating. It never completely escapes your mind or your heart even when you bury it as far away as possible.
Each time you open yourself to new relationships and possibilities; you expose yourself and take risks. And, the optimist holds out hope that things will be different. You long for that someone who will love you for you and that they will be your fiercest protector and ally, sheltering you from external forces – “you and me against the world!”
But, alas, each time you risk it, you hold on to a little bit more of your heart… because there are no more tears left to shed and your hope is fleeting…
GospeLines Prayer: Father, you know I have a hole in my heart. I admit that fact when I’m in the dark corners of my mind… alone. You’ve heard my pleas and just like Your Son, I am vulnerable and sad. Imagine that?
But, it’s YOU and me against the world, Father. When I have nowhere else to turn and I have reached the point of physical and mental exhaustion, You remind me that You are with me… today, tomorrow and every day.
You do love me despite how I could be viewed - As Aurelia told Jenny in Joyce Meyer’s new book “The Penny” - “I think you’re the only one around here trying to keep people from seeing who you really are. You’re the only person around who thinks you aren’t worth much.”
Thank You for listening whenever I need to talk and for validating me as someone worth loving.
In His Love,